2013 so far...

Well it's been about 3 months since I have updated this blog. So far 2013 has been pretty decent. Hubs has been home 3 days a week for this month...hoping that will be changed in February. {Money is tightish and I won't get my hearing for another few months. We cancelled our cable services...we watch mostly Netflix anyways, and it saves us 80 dollars a month. Only paying 7.99 for Netflix and any shows I miss on cable I can always watch online. So it's all good.

Willow is 2 going on 12. She is counting to 10 all by herself...singing songs like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and has a wide vocabulary. She knows what she likes and what she doesn't like...it's quite interesting to see her grow and develop into this wonderful little human being.

Everything else is pretty much the same, just enjoyin being a stay at home mom. Waiting for the disability hearing...which is an aggravating process. But once I have the forms to fill out with my shrink next month everything will be fine.

Nothing else new in my world. Glad to be back on the blog though. I'll try to update it more often than every three months.

Best Weekend Ever.

Good Monday morning! It's as cold as all get out outside, the wind is howling and the trees are waving wildly in the middle of it all. I had the best weekend ever! It started with me leaving my house at around 2pm got on the bus and started my journey towards Toronto. It took an hour to get from my place in Oshawa to the Ajax Go Train station and believe me that's exactly how it felt. The smells and sounds on the bus was extremely nauseating. But anyways, I got to the train station around 3:30 and bought my ticket. I still had 20 minutes before my train got there so I bought a bottle of Coke and went to wait on the platform. The train showed up and I took off to meet Maigan at her work. She was a nanny up until Friday and so she gave me directions on how to get there and I made it without a second thought. Boy are Toronto people rude though. {Yikes}

So when I got to her work, we waited for the mother to get home and if I hadn't of been there she would have made Maigan clean her house until 6pm. So we got out of there at like 5:45 and we went on the streetcar for dinner at Mother's Dumplings. ZOMG sooo good. We had such a great time and then we went to the LCBO and got some booze and took a cab back to Maigan's place. We spent the next few hours just talking about everything. And around midnight, I was ready to crash. So she made my bed on the couch {which I absolutely love!} and we went to bed. Her roommate Dave, who is about 35ish, decided it would be cool to get up every hour from 4-7 and he left at 8:30. So I didn't get a good solid sleep till about 7:30am. Slept until 10:30 and then went to the convenience store to grab eggs, bacon, tea and coffee. She made me the best brunch ever, and we just hung out for a few hours then I went to catch the train back home.

All in all it was the best getaway day I have ever had. :D

Mommys day out

So tomorrow is Mommy's day out to Toronto to see one of my best friends for the weekend.

Im so excited because everytime i go there it's such a good time. I will write a post about it on Saturday!!!

Holidays

So it's almost holiday time for the hubby. I am so stoked. Although, I know he will still be sleeping in till 1pm and coming back to bed at around 4am, the fact that I get a week of evenings with him is the best to me. :) I love just knowing he is there with me. Willow loves it too.

Speaking of Willow, she is turning 2 in a week and a half. I cannot believe how quickly it's approaching. And that means the day after I am *gulp* 25! I am 5 years away from 30 and I am not looking forward to turning 30 at all. It's one thing to turn 20, but 30 makes me feel like I am getting old fast. :( lol.

I am making ham, sweet and mashed potatoes, mixed veggies for dinner tonight. Mmmm. And my sister is bringing apple pies from work {I know, how ghetto are we?} So hopefully it will all taste good. :D

Just wanted to pop in and post. Not too much new here.

Cake and lemon water

Yes, not a nice combination in theory...but I am smelling the delicious smell of the french vanilla cake in the oven and drinking my 4th glass of lemon water. {May I add, the cleansing process of lemon water is having an amazing effect on my body.} So, it's now October and things around the house have been pretty amazing. I mean family wise everything is going well. Toddler is up to her mischievous antics, you know, getting into the bathroom and brushing her teeth...sitting in the bathtub playing with Baby Bop, getting the cheese out of the fridge...my list goes on and on. I know it's part of growing up and living and learning. So I try not to stress about it too much.

Things with the Mr. are amazing. We have reconnected as it were since our last little hiccup. I am so glad because I know he is the cheese to my macaroni, the jam to my peanut butter. He is my best friend and we are coming up on 6 years together. Another 4 years and we will be at the 10 year mark. I am so excited to spend my life with someone as amazing as Anthony. I knew after talking to him online for a month, he was the guy I wanted to be with. Funny enough, three years before I met him, I wrote a poem where the character is pursuing one guy named Brad, and was being pursued by a guy named Tony. The best part of the story is the main character ends up with Tony, which is ironic because before Anthony I was dating a guy named Brad. Who was almost twice my age ( I was 18 he was 32). But that's for another post. I am incredibly happy with the man I married 4 years ago...and I plan on spending forever with him. <3

As for me? Well lately the weather has been a bit on the shitty side...so that means my mood has been on the shitty side. Not towards my family by any means, just inside. Mentally I am not alright. But it will pass. The headaches I could do without but what can you do? Other than that I am doing well and I have lost 18 lbs in 5 weeks and it's feeling great!!!! :D

Alas my cake is almost done so I must rescue it from burning. Until next time! 

Regrets

In a matter of three weeks my baby will be 2 years old. I cannot believe how fast that went...it feels like we just had her home from the hospital. Now, I could not believe how fast it has gone. I know people told me that time flies when you have children but it seems like I am on fast forward. This whole year has been a blur, and I wonder if it's my illness...but I can relive 2011 like it was yesterday. I don't know if I am stuck there or what but I feel like a part of me was left back in last year. And this year is almost over. :(

I think part of me feels guilty for missing a lot of my child's first year and a half...due to the fact that I had to work and Anthony was qualified for the nine months off. I don't resent him for being able to have that time with her...I believe every father if it's possible should have the experience. I don't know what it is, but the one side of the bipolar makes me regret not being there when my daughter needed me. I guess I have a lot of regrets for 2011.

Oh well. I will make the rest of her years better. Starting from now.

One Year

Its been a year since I have been diagnosed with being bipolar. In that year I have gone through countless medications, many thoughts of suicide and self harm and a lot of anger both from myself and my loved ones. The fact that they didn't understand (and quite frankly, sometimes it is still difficult for them to understand).

I am finally on a combination of medications that seem to work for me. The best side effect is no pain, followed by weight loss and appetite suppressor. I feel great with increased energy!!

Hopefully it will last.