So on the 21st of this month I saw my doctor for a follow up visit to discuss how well the meds I am on are working. The day I went to see him the weather was dreary and grey, as was my mood. I felt blucky and depressed. The previous days that week I had many episodes of hyperness, sleeping maybe 7 hours over a span of 72 hours. when I told my doctor this he informed me that I may be bipolar. He prescribed me with a mood stabilizer. (Also, as I would later find out were known as anti-psychotics) He also sent a referral out to see a psychiatrist as an outpatient at the hospital.
To be honest, I feel like I am a nutcase. I mean when you have the term "antipsychotic" when referencing a medication that you now have to take, it's almost like you feel like you are abnormal. Broken. Damaged. But when I picked up my meds on Monday and started taking them, well I have to admit a lot of things are better. For one, I feel like cleaning and cooking. And being all I can be to my hubby and daughter.
I sleep. The first night I took it at 10pm, and I slept right through til 3:30pm the next day. My body was absolutely exhausted and I couldn't open my eyes even if I wanted to. But the night after that I took it at 9 and slept til 5 and then laid in bed til my daughter woke up at 7:45.
Last night I cleaned up the living room. I did the kitty litter. I made an amazing chicken dinner. I felt content. I felt...happy to a degree. I know I am not cured. I know I won't be cured for a very long time. It is a long road to recovery from here. But to be motivated to do something other than sit on the couch and watch tv after Willow goes to sleep is a big change.
There are times it is very dark in my world. But I have a great support group, I have amazing family and friends. As long as I believe in myself and they believe in me, everything should be good to go.
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