Family Untied.

Today's post, is a sad post. I am about to tell a story that I am not necessarily proud of but it's got a sad ending.

About two months ago, I started talking to my estranged father. I have written posts about such things as we have seen each other and he's been good to Willow and we went to a family get together and whatnot. Well what I didn't write about was how I didn't tell my mother that I was speaking to him again...let alone allowing my daughter to see him and the rest of the family.

About 3 weeks ago, I went to Cedar Park with my dad...I have written about this. But what I didn't write about was how I had told my mom that I was going with a friend and her godson. I needed a story in order to get my car seat from her because my mother doesn't allow things without knowing the details. Why I didn't just make an adult decision and tell her the truth {because I hate lying and being labelled a liar} is beyond me. I think I have tried to justify it with not being able to handle her being mad at me, and I also wanted to try out a thing with my family...test the waters as it were. It was wrong and I have paid for it.

Thursday of last week my mother showed up and dropped off her dogs as I was watching them for her. She then turned to me and asked me if I had been in contact with my father. I figured there is no other way of telling her but the truth. I said yes I had for a couple of months. Did he see Willow? Yes he has. And she kept asking me why didn't I tell her...and when I told her I was not mentally up for her reaction she told me I cannot use it as a crutch. I got angry and told her to get the fuck out of my house. She left angrily and I had not talked to her until this morning. I was trying to get a hold of her to make sure she was still looking after Willow while we move tomorrow. And then I asked her who she spoke to that told her I was speaking to my dad...and it led to her saying she will see Willow but she doesn't want to see me. She hopes what I did was worth it...and would I have kicked her out of my house if I didn't have my family to fall back on? Meanwhile I don't have my family to fall back on...it's not like that. She pissed me off by saying I was using my mental illness as a crutch. That is why I kicked her out of my house.

So right now I will be waiting it out. Hopefully she will come around. If not, well she went 4 years without talking to her mom. Guess I may be doing the same.