Wanted: Part time Sitter.

Yikes...I am actually considering getting a sitter to sit in my house for 9 hours a week. Someone who is not friends or family. I posted an ad on Kijiji.ca and got a whole ton of replies...some of them from students looking for an after school job {school is out at 3pm} and there were a few from older people who are looking for something part time and they have a lot of experience with children.

*GULP*

I am holding interviews next week as I have the potential to go back to my job at the Ministry of Revenue so I will need someone shortly after next week. My heart is racing and my hands are clammy and I worry about my baby girl's well being but I guess that is all part of wanting to be a working mama.

Anyways, I better get off here and do some housework...interviews are hopefully next Saturday and there are a lot of things that need to get organized...oh and I need to get a lock for our door. Don't want anyone snooping around in my room! LOL

Manic Monday

Today is not a good day. Not a good day at all. I am feeling pretty shitty and trying to keep it together for my family. I am wondering where the hell August went. It's now the 20th. Days go by and I feel like I am accomplishing nothing in the time I have throughout the day.

I know what I should do, what needs to be done and what I am not doing....as much of a riddle that is to most, it makes the most sense to me. I think I need to start a journal of daily things I do each day so that I know how I am using my time and whatnot.

I think I am just tired. And when I spend several days inside the apartment the walls start closing in and I feel like I am in the Twilight zone. Maybe I am just crazy but last year seemed to go by so much slower than this year. Or maybe I was just slowly getting to the point of diagnosing my illness and now it seems like everything is in fast forward mode. Or maybe cause I am not working right now so things just zoom by in the frame of time. I don`t really know.

My daughter will be two in two months. I cannot believe two years of her life have already zipped by. Before I know it, she will be off to driving school. I am still hoping to homeschool so we will see how that goes. If she doesn't do well she will be starting in french immersion because in this day and age there are more opportunities for bilingual people. So despite the fact that her father will object at first, he won't once I state my reasoning.

Ah, life is so busy and crazy! Especially when you are a parent and your child is over 18 months!

Friendship Cove not animal friendly?

http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/1241961--marineland-animals-suffering-former-staffers-say

I am infuriated. I read the above link about the animals suffering at Marineland...and I want to vomit. The poor animals are suffering so much and it is not getting better. It is a case of neglect, and abuse. No one seems to be doing anything about it. The poor seals are losing their eyesight, the walrus is sitting by himself and not being stimulated whatsoever. Walruses are supposed to have at least 5 hours of human interaction a day. The dolphins are losing their skin, as well as reeling from chemical changes in the water. This is awful! A place shown on the commercials that it is a happy loving place where marine animals are able to live in captivity and thrive with the human interaction and pêrformances.

Something needs to be done...but no one will do anything or can do anything. There needs to be a protest and get those animals into a facility where they will be taken good care of, have enough staff to spend the time with them and make sure they feel safe and happy. I get why the staff decided to leave when they didn't agree with the way the animals were being treated...but the animals that counted on them to be there are now reeling from the fact that the one person who cared is now gone. And they have no idea why or what they did to send them away.

I feel really sick about this. It's just awful when people abuse animals. Very inhumane.

SAHM FTW!

So, being a SAHM is really looking like the best kind of future for me. I am loving being at home with my little girl...going to the gym, doing laundry and grocery shops. Not worrying about who I am going to piss off at work, because in my fulltime job I am never pissing off the boss. I get paid in love and hugs and kisses and giggles.

That being said, we need two incomes coming in. So I am hoping ODSP says I am approved for disability payments and I get benefits starting in September. Or October. But regardless, if by chance I am not approved for disability, I know where I have to turn and on the one hand I am excited for it, but then I have to look for a sitter, and arrange all of that. Sigh. A selfish part of me wants them to say yes you're approved and they will put the cheques into my account every month. So I don't have to leave my baby with someone...and I get to watch her grow and everything.

Time will tell I suppose. Fingers crossed.

Update on the Princess

My "baby" will be 2 in about two months...and I am so excited and sad at the same time....she has grown up so much in the past year it has seemed like just yesterday I had her and now she is growing up before my eyes.

Some of the things she is doing now are as follows:

1. She has been saying 'thank you' for the past 5 months now...we are just getting the hang of  'please' as well.
2. She knows what eyes, ears, teeth, hair are and points to them and says what each one is.
3. She sings to all her tv shows; Caillou, Mike the Knight, etc. 
4. She has to have at least 8 stuffed animals with her in bed at night.
5. She is now in her own room! Where all her toys are and all her stuff. She goes to her room periodically throughout the day to play in there. 
6. She is learning her colours, knows blue, green, purple (and yes they are all correct.)\
7. As she gets older she is hugging us just because, she wasn't a cuddly baby so this is quite enjoyable for me to have her come up and just hug me.

There are so many things on a daily basis that she is doing that are just absolutely amazing to me. Watching my dependent baby turn into a semi-independent little girl makes me a very proud mama. When I happen to be on the phone with my mom she comes up to me and says "Hi Nana!" So then I proceed to give her the phone and she goes off on a tangent of jibber jabber and carries on a conversation. I can only imagine the things she will have to say once she is speaking in sentences.

Two Days Missed

Welcome back side effects. I misplaced my bottle of medication on Saturday and went two days without being medicated. I took my pills last night (filled my prescription at good old Walmart) and today I have the most awful nausea and dizziness. But I cleaned my kitchen! Something I have had no energy to do since we moved a week ago.

I won't be skipping my meds again...or misplacing them I need them too much. Lol. I am unable to function without them. Feeling like a zombie is not something I like to go through on a daily basis...and that is all I have felt like. Ugh. I hope these side effects don't last too long.

Don't get pregnant

So I saw my doctor today.

There is two months left till I see my psychiatrist.

But yeah, I saw my doctor today and he asked me how I was doing. I told him while I noticed an improvement with my meds, I have been having thoughts of self-harming the past two weeks. And he asked me if I had done anything and I told him no, I didn't want to lose my daughter over something like that. So he upped my anti-depressant. I now take 4 pills at bedtime.

He also told me I shouldn't get pregnant til I am "healthier." So no more trying for a baby for me right now. Lol. He said maybe in the winter.

I felt like he is no longer trying. Which kinda really sucks. \

Ah well, another blah day. I think I will unpack tonight and clear out my dining room.

New Month, New Home.

So yesterday was moving day and we had a total of 5 people working on the move. My friend Brittney and her boyfriend Glenn, and Anthony's friend Cliff from work along with the two of us. My mother took Willow and we got started at 9. Glenn was a machine...he just started with the boxes and within 45 minutes most of the stuff was in my new apartment. Then Cliff got there and they moved the furniture and by the time 1:30 came around everything was done. Then there was the whole making sure the other unit was clean. Which it was not that bad in the first place.

So today I will start the lovely task of unpacking. Which is a little maddening. You pack all your stuff up to need to unpack it once you get in the new place. LOL.

So it's August 1, and we are starting in a new home. It's bigger (4 closets in the hallway!!!!) Willow has her own room {slept in there last night and had an amazing sleep} and I don't see us moving anywhere for a long time.

I am so happy!