The long winding road

My name is Brittany and just recently I started taking Cymbalta for my anxiety.

Yes I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot control my emotions on my own. It has been a helluva ride through the motions and it has gotten to the point where my moods and my feelings are really starting to affect my world around me. And as much as I didn't and fought against taking mood altering drugs of any kind...I knew something had to be done before the worst happened...I would be divorced and only see my child on alternating weekends.

Being told that the only reason you are still co-habiting with someone you thought you loved is due to the fact that the two of you have procreated a child together is a real sobering thought. Being told, you are not someone I want to be around on a regular basis is not only heart wrenching but an eye opener as to 'Hey, maybe I am in fact part of the problem...'

I am realizing that I have limitations...and that was shown in recent days where I could not get out of bed in the morning and in fact lost my job because of it...and that no matter how hard I can try to get things to go right they just won't always go that way.

I have neurotically applied for so many jobs in the fear that I lose my current position {kinda important in recent days} But I am talking about applying for 30-50 jobs a day for the past 6 weeks. So I went to my doctor on the 6th of September and filled him in on how I had been feeling. I told him how I used alcohol to feel happy and how the occasional weekend drink turned into every weekend drinking, and then was seeping into my workweek. He said I need to start on a low dose and if need be gradually up my dosage and perhaps speak to a psychologist...

It has been very hard to come to terms with how I am feeling. And been very hard to own up to mistakes I have made in regards to relationships. But I am taking it one day at a time and hoping that at the end of it all I still have the people around me that I love and love me in return.

Here's to all the moms, dads, sons, daughters, siblings, and relatives who suffer silently on a daily basis and who deal with and live with someone feeling like this everyday. It's a tough issue and to succeed in waking up everyday is AMAZING.