Time Heals all Wounds

I have made a realization in recent weeks that family {you know, the genetically similar humans that make up your heritage and family tree} is not always the true sense of the word. In my case, I have a biological make up of what seems to be a loving close knit happy family unit. {Please note: I am talking about extended family, grandparents, aunts uncles and all of the like} But what lies just beneath that facade is a lifetime of guilt, horrible things said and done; absolutely nothing of a family that supposedly loves one another. 

Since the time I was little, my paternal grandmother looked after my brother and I a lot! And things were fine. When my mom was sick, and had to have surgeries, when my parents would go away on their much needed time away, we were at "Grandma's house." And until I was 13 that was ok, because my great grandmother was still alive and she was my entire world. We would bake, she would indulge me in my games and played a very active role in the first 10 years of my life. When she passed away I felt a hole in my heart and to be honest things have never been the same.

My grandmother was not the warm loving grandmother everyone thought she was. She was always frustrated with my brother, who was just being a rambunctious little boy. She ensured that he knew he was not liked in her books and eventually made everyone exasperated with him and made him out to be the 'bad child.' I still remember the time when I was just about 10 years old, my parents were out of town and my grandparents had us for the weekend. We went to East Side Mario's for dinner and I was eating a garden salad. My grandmother looked at me and said 'you may want to slow down on the salad boys don't like fat girls.'  *jaw drop* Needless to say I was extremely careful after that never to ask for seconds at any meal, to prefer water to pop {as my grandmother had an issue with my complexion as well. Did you know boys don't date or marry girls with acne all over their face??}

But by the time my parents came for dinner the Sunday night we were there, "Grandma" had smoothed everything over so that we would only tell our parents that we had fun, not anything that had happened that was less than fun. This continued until I was 16 and I remember specifically one time at the early stages of my high school career that my grandmother told me that I need to watch what I eat...boys don't like fat girls and that everyone agreed with her including my parents. I decided to challenge her and said 'my parents don't think that they would tell me.' Little did I know the next thing out of her mouth would have been, "oh everyone thinks that but no one has the heart to tell you. I am telling you because I love you." For the next two years I would only eat at dinner going from 140 to 127 lbs in no time. Started smoking and drinking Diet Coke at school it was a bad scene. To this day my mother is fuming about that. 

Despite everything in my childhood I tried to continue a good rapport with that side of the family. After my father left my mother he saw me every week...every two weeks...once a month....once every three months...when I left the province from Dec- July he had NO IDEA I was even gone. I wrote a letter to my grandmother once I started counselling and let her know I was doing just fine without her theory of boys only wanting skinny girls. Then when I got pregnant I didn't tell her right away...I didn't feel after so many years of horribleness she was worthy of knowing. To this day they have not made any connections or attempts to see Willow. 

About two weeks ago my contract ended at my job. Of course not being on my anti anxiety meds as of yet I decided to pay my grandparents a visit in a desperate attempt to do...what exactly I don't really know. But anyways my conversation with my grandfather went like this:

Me: Hello.

G: Hi (eyes big as a deer in headlights)

Me: Is grandma home?

G: (hesitates) Yeah...

Me: What? 

G: (getting angry now) Would you make up your bloody mind? I am tired of the way you treat her.

Me: O..k?

G: I am so sick of you people!

Me: Me people? {Yes I said it just like that...I was shocked at him yelling at me}

G: Yes, you, your mother, and your brother. It breaks my heart the way you treat her. *starts to cry*

Me: Uhhh... {I was still pissed about the You People comment.}

G: I don't give a damn about you. You are dead to me. But you can go in and see if she will talk to you. I won't. 

Cue me walking down his driveway into my friend's car and driving away.

And just like that my so called all wise all mature grandfather played the victim and acted like nothing they did was wrong. 

I am fortunate to have my mother and brother as well as my maternal side of the family. I have a loving husband and a beautiful daughter. And a ton of friends that I have made along the way. Time does heal all wounds and what goes around comes around. That is what I firmly believe in.